7 Ways To Tell If a You're Dating a Criminal

Posted on May 18, 2012 by amy

Miss Natasha Ngonyama. Your Tango May 16th 2012.

Online dating is generally safe but beware of the hidden dangers...

Online dating is generally safe, and most people you find will be normal, good-natured men and women who are simply looking for love.

You may bump into a small number of strange people (e.g. men who show up on a date with their wedding rings on, or the supposed-to-be Brad Pitt look-a-like who shows up looking a little bit aged and 100lbs heavier than his photo suggested) but they will probably be harmless.  BUT, criminals are around and the Internet is open to them to use and abuse, too. And unfortunately, we can’t do background checks on the people we agree to go on a date with.  Nothing is ever 100% fool proof but these seven tips should definitely help you spot a criminal more easily when dating.

1) He has more than two phones – Two phones is usually okay as one may be for work and the other may be for personal reasons. More than two phones should make you suspicious. If you’re on a date with a man who has more than two phones, acts like a switchboard operator and seems to answer the phones a lot, chances are he’s up to something and you may not like what it is.

2) He Uses Coded Language – As if answering the phone during dinner wasn’t bad enough, if he uses coded language or his conversations don’t seem normal, he’s keeping a secret and there’s a good chance he’s involved in criminal activity. If not that, he’s just plain rude!

3) You’re Unsure Of His Job Title – In these difficult times, some people have had to accept jobs they’re less than proud of. He may not want to be completely honest about his job title if he’s embarrassed by it. But be cautious of confusing job titles. If he says he’s a ‘street pharmacist’, run!

4) His Income Doesn’t Make Sense – he claims he’s unemployed yet seems to be able to afford a flashy Rolex, designer clothes and expensive meals and drinks. Maybe he has wealthy parents to fund his lifestyle (lucky guy) or maybe, he’s using his illegal proceeds to live a lavish life that he shouldn’t be able to afford.

5) He Has a Bad Temper – if he’s snappy, often irate, and is mean to waitresses and always looking for a fight, chances are he has a history of violent behavior and may even be abusing drugs. This is probably the most dangerous sort of criminal and if he displays any signs of an anger problem, I would definitely recommend you run a mile!

6) He Frequently Breaks the Speed Limit – it may not be obvious, but if he drives like he’s Michael Schumacher and frequently breaks speed limits, he clearly has no respect for the law, his life, your life and the life of other road users. Plus, how did he learn to drive so fast? Maybe he used to be a car racer, or, maybe he’s had a lot of practice
from being chased by police. Think about it.

7) He Says All the Right Things – this is a tricky one, only Mr Right would say all the right things, right? Well, not necessarily. Domestic abusers are known for their initial charm: their great way with words, their romantic behavior and their chivalry. But be careful of someone who seems too good to be true, there’s a small chance they just may be untrue. And, if you haven’t yet met him, and you’ve spent three months messaging him online, and he keeps failing to meet you but somehow seems to always be running into some kind of financial difficulty, block him before you end up selling your house for a man that never was.

Online dating is generally safe, fun and exciting and you have a very good chance of meeting The One. But be cautious and alert, you want The ‘Good’ One, not The ‘Bad’ One! (Unless that’s your thing of course…)

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Got Butterflies? 3 Rules For Your New Relationship

Posted on May 16, 2012 by amy

By Carmelia Ray, Your Tango, May 11th 2012.

Be careful what you do in the first few weeks!
Ahhhh, you're in a new relationship and all things seem so wonderful! You may be feeling those butterflies in your stomach, you laugh at all your partner's jokes, and all feel warm and tingly inside. This is the time that you truly feel and believe that you may have met the right one!
Maybe he seems to display all the qualities about what women really want in a man. But, we've also been there and done that. All new relationships feel great, which is why we call it the honeymoon phase.
That phase doesn't last forever. Your relationship evolves over time, and you want to get off on the right foot. The following five tips will help guide and nourish your relationship in the early stages with your new partner.

1. Act natural. At any stage, it's important that you are always yourself. But the beginning of a relationship is especially not the time to pretend to be someone that you're not. If you are not yourself, you will have a very difficult time pretending to be someone that you're not for the entirety of the relationship.
An example of pretending to be someone else would be if you said that you liked to travel when you are afraid of flying. You can only make up a certain number of excuses before your partner clues in to the fact that you don't like to fly or travel.
If you are going above and beyond and in essence being "phony" just to impress your partner in the early stages, well you're only making things difficult on yourself because your new beau actually believes that you are sweet and romantic all the time. The minute that you start to relax and return to your normal average niceness, it will be noticed immediately.
I've heard countless complaints from couples and singles about how their partner changed over time. Well he "used to" open car doors for me and bring me flowers and all of a sudden one day it stopped. Please do yourself a favour and do not false advertise. This is a sure way for your relationship to come to an eventual end, and will leave you looking for advice on relationship problems.
You are at the early stage of a relationship. If you are thinking long term, you will have lots of time to impress your partner and give them attention and affection and occasional surprises for the length of the relationship. If you pull out all the stops up front, you will be struggling and challenged to keep it up.
If you are yourself, you are comfortable and natural and this goes a lot further than pretending to be someone you're not. You will come across as phony and also confuse your partner when you stop with the charade. If your goal is to be in a long-term relationship, then you would want to know that your new partner really likes you for who you truly are and accepts you as is ...

2. Be clear. In the early stages you want to make sure that you have very open communication. If you are always clear about your goals, your likes, your dislikes, and your feelings, you will always know where you stand in that relationship. It is not a time to "hide" things from your partner.
If you have certain habits and regular activities such as smoking, or a regular card night with the boys, or going to Church on Sundays, then you want to be honest and upfront and share with your partner things that are important to you and anything that is routine in your life. It is extremely important to communicate and be very clear about your relationship goals.
If you are not looking for a long-term relationship or you are only interested in a marriage partner and want to have kids and a family right away, you want to make sure that you are on the same page. This doesn't mean that you scare this person off by sharing popular baby names for boys or looking in the Real Estate section of your newspaper asking what your partner thinks of the new house you'd like to move into.
It just means that before you start to invest time, feelings and financial resources on your partner, make sure that you agree on the important things and that you share core values.

3. Go with the flow. Communication and trust are the foundations of any successful relationship. You can read all about the do's and don'ts and read all the rules out there about dating and still be completely lost or feel that it may not apply to your situation. Everyone's views on relationships vary slightly, or greatly, so the best advice I can share with you is to go with the flow and also listen to your gut.
You should always be in tune with how this person makes you feel. What does your gut say? What are your thoughts about this person and what are your thoughts about relationships in general? If you've been hurt in the past, do not make the mistake of stereotyping your partner as a cheater, or treating them as if they're guilty because you lack trust.

Learn from your past experiences and don't repeat them. You are in a new situation with a totally different person, so playing the comparison game is not good. Remember to always have fun and take things lightly. This is an exciting time, so enjoy every moment and don't forget these essential tips to help you through this amazing time!

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2 Tips For Fighting Fair In Intimate Relationships

Posted on May 14, 2012 by amy

By John Gerson.
Some simple strategies for overcoming anger.
When your significant other does or says something that upsets you — depending on the size of the affront and the depth of your reaction — you might shut down and stop listening, especially if your partner's tone conveys judgment or derision. You may withdraw for a period of time or retaliate with criticism of your own. Either behavior results in a negative circle of energy and delays understanding and healing.
As a result of your shutting down, your suffering will be prolonged. Conscious awareness of the impact of your anger is your best bet for breaking the cycle. Here are two practical suggestions to cope with fighting in a relationship:
1. Cool off. Wait until your "heat" has died down. You will then be able to think on a rational and self-reflective level. This process should result in you being able to say to yourself something like, "I got triggered by what my spouse said and went into an old place in which I felt abandoned and powerless and wanted to strike out and inflict the kind of pain I experienced."
You should also say, "Since I actually love my partner, I don't want him or her to experience this level of distress so what I will come back with will be a reasoned illumination of what has happened inside of me, what I surmise has happened inside of my partner, and between us."
2. Allow time to heal. When you're ready, begin a healing process. This may take a few minutes or days. When you're finally ready, begin with an invitation to heal such as the following: "I'd like to talk with you about what happened between us recently that caused such upset." Once you have the green light to have the discussion, make sure that your review of the events is delivered without derisive tone, without judgment, and with the spirit of reconciliation, respect and friendship.
All of this boils down to absorbing and utilizing the concept of emotional intelligence. The concept goes to answer the question, "What is going on in my partner right now?" This is what psychologists refer to as having an Internal Working Model of another person. The regular use of emotional intelligence has the power to lift us out of our primary preoccupation with our selves and to invest in "the other."
All by itself, the application of this attitude has the power to repair ruptures caused by activations of the red zone, or the primitive part of the brain. As you employ this approach to healing more regularly, your relationship will develop a sense of its own unique history, providing reassurance that it has the strength to weather storms and emerge stronger than before.
Dr. Gerson practices Couples Therapy in Katonah and in New York City.

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8 Reasons You're Not Ready For A Relationship [Expert]

Posted on May 10, 2012 by amy

By Jane Garapick posted Apr 9th 2012 5:18PM

You may want a relationship, but the real question is “are you ready?” Your answer may surprise you.
I know what you’re thinking right now – “of course I’m ready for a relationship - it’s what I’ve been waiting so long for! All I’ve been wanting is a relationship; I just need to know how I can get one started!”
Well, I’m certainly not arguing that you want a real relationship; I’m asking if you’re ready for a real relationship. That one’s tough to answer, because it entails really looking at yourself and your beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors in a real, open, and honest way. And that’s never easy.
One thing I can tell you is that I’ve been there. I’ve been in that spot where all I could think about was how I so wanted a real relationship, with all of the affection, understanding, support, and love that comes with it. And that’s when I asked myself this very same question, and I realized that I didn’t like the answer. I had some major changing to do.
So how do you know if you’re ready for a relationship before you start one with either the wrong guy or Mr. Right at the wrong time?
Well, if you’re showing any of these warning signs, it means you’re not ready for a relationship and you have some work to do on yourself before you can be in a healthy, happy relationship with someone else.

1. Your compass is not pointing north

Your great guy compass is off, and it's consistently pointing you to the wrong type of guy. This typically happens because you’re subconsciously trying to sabotage the relationship from the beginning by choosing a guy who’s not actually relationship material. Your friends and family have warned you that he’s a player, or a loser, or a (enter your favorite derogatory term for a bad boyfriend here), but you’ve written them off, believing that you’re going to be the one woman that can change him into the perfect partner. No, the truth is that inside you know you won’t change him, and that’s actually OK with you, because you subconsciously fear a deep relationship.
2. You need a guy to feel happy
You feel miserable unless you’re coupled up. If you get an invite to a party or event, and you don’t have a guy to bring, then you’re likely to make up an excuse, send your regrets, pass up the night out and sit at home feeling sorry for yourself because you are oh so alone. Then you spend the entire night googling “best places to meet men” and reading articles about what men find attractive instead of doing something would make you happy (like going to the party you were invited to.) The truth is that if you did meet a great guy while in this mindset, you’d hold on so tight so quickly that you’d most likely strangle the relationship anyway. Find what makes you happy before you’re in a relationship, then find someone to share that happiness with.
3. You believe you can save him
Many women have a savior complex, and they find themselves a project guy. What this really means is that they’re looking for dysfunction so that they have the drama in their lives that they subconsciously crave. It may stem from a variety of sources, but the end result is that you will wind up with exactly what you’re looking for – a real project. Which, when translated means someone with some serious personal problems of their own – problems that are best left to the trained professionals. Don’t try to be a therapist.
4. You’re looking for someone to save you
If your self-talk sounds something like “I’m such a mess” or “why am I so bi-polar sometimes?” then you need to get that taken care of before you can be in a relationship. Otherwise you’ll either attract a guy that has the savior complex (see above), or you’ll attract a guy with the same issues – a guy that’s a mess, or bi-polar. And as much as misery loves company, misery plus misery doubles the misery. Don’t go there.
5. You’re looking for someone to complete you
Yes, it’s true. Back in the day I loved the movie Jerry Maguire as much as all of the other teary-eyed girls in the theater, but the truth is, as much as “you complete me” sounds so romantic, it should actually be “you complement me”. If you’re not a whole person to begin with, then the only thing you’ll be completing is your part in a completely dysfunctional relationship. And while that may still make for a good movie (think: As Good as it Gets), it’s no fun in real life.
6. You’re spending more time pursuing love than pursuing your interests
OK, I realize that in order to meet men you need to get out there and be sociable, whether “out there” means the local ski club or the local web scene, and I’m all for that – in fact I highly recommend it. But if you’re not actively pursuing your own interests at the same time, then there’s a problem. If you’re thinking to yourself right now “But the only thing I’m interested in is meeting a guy” then you’re in deep. As I’ve said before, the best way to meet the right Mr. Right is by doing things and going places that you’d do or go to anyway, even if there was no chance of meeting a guy. So if you find yourself on Saturday nights obsessing over and constantly tweaking every word on your online dating profile, then you’re wasting valuable time that you could be spending, yep, you guessed it, pursuing your own interests. If you don’t have any interests then you aren’t very interesting, and that means that you’re hoping a guy will add interest to your life. He won’t, because he won’t stick around long enough to.
7. You’ve haven’t unpacked your baggage
If you find yourself still dealing with the emotional scars left from the shrapnel of a previous breakup, particularly if you’re still feeling angry, then you need to finish your emotional healing before starting a new relationship. Many women believe that a guy – sometimes any guy – will get their mind off of their ex and into a better place. The problem is that it never really works. What it will do is keep your mind off of the guy that you’re now starting a relationship with, cause you to feel guilty, cause him (and maybe you, too) to feel resentful, and generally make a big mess for everyone. Leave the rebounding to the basketball players.
8. You’re bending and twisting yourself like a pretzel to fit what you think the person you’re attracted to might like
If you find yourself trying to be something other than what you naturally are, then it’s a major red flag. This was one of the biggest problems I had in my own dating career, as I pretended to be a skier or a big golf fan, when in reality I hadn’t even had an interest in either until I was attracted to a guy who did. If you find that you’re often trying to change something about yourself thinking it will make you more attractive to the guy you just met, then you are, like I was, lacking in self-esteem and confidence in yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself, this is very common, but it means that you need to work on finding and loving the real you before trying to love someone else.
If any of the above sound like you, then you need to start looking inward and making some changes to your life in order to get yourself ready to be with someone else.
The good news? Once you have these licked, you will be ready for a real relationship. And then you’ll be in good emotional shape to start attracting the kind of guy that you want to be in a relationship with, and he’ll want to be in a relationship with you too. Why? Because you’ll both be emotionally healthy. So when Mr. Right does walk into your life, you’ll both be in the right state of mind, in the right place, at the right time.
And it doesn’t get any more right than that.

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Life Plan Strategies for Busy People

Posted on April 27, 2012 by amy

Life Plan Strategies to Streamline Your Life
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide

Do you need a new life plan? Is your schedule packed, and your to-do list approaching a page or more in length? This level of busyness is becoming increasingly common. In fact, despite the wide assortment of time-saving devices now available, people are more busy now than they were decades ago when we were less efficient with our time.
While many people say that they'd like to be less busy, it's often difficult to form a new life plan, know exactly how to pare down a schedule and which activities to cut out -- everything is important, right? Here are some concepts to keep in mind when deciding how to trim down your schedule.
Life Plan Tip #1-Get In Touch With Your Values
This is a popular exercise that's widely used with life coaches because it's so effective: make a list of your core values, the top few things that are most important to you. (Many people say family, health, and things like that.) Then look at all the activities that fill your schedule. Consider removing any activity that's not in line with a core value.
Life Plan Tip #2-Visualize the Life You Want
Here's another approach involving the law of attraction, which can also be highly effective.
Imagine the life that you want. Imagine it in detail, focusing more on your desires than on how hard you think it would be to realize them. Get a picture that's both realistic and exciting to you. Now look at that list of activities again, eliminating things that don't add to that vision, and adding activities that do. The key here is to maintain the vision of the life you want, and make decisions based on that.
Life Plan Tip #3-List Your Trade-Offs
When saying, "yes" to new activities, people don't always stop to think about what they are saying "no" to as a result. Because of the limited number of hours in a day, each activity you choose to take on will eliminate a different choice. You can pare down your schedule by keeping this in mind.
With each activity you find yourself doing over the course of a week, ask yourself if there's something else that you'd rather be doing that would better serve you. Would you get more out of working out than watching television? Would you rather be spending time with your kids than doing a favor for that ungrateful acquaintance? Stay conscious about your choices for a week, and you should find yourself knowing exactly what needs to change. (And once you've decided to start turning people down, this article on How To Say No can help make it easier.)
Life Plan Tip #4-Consolidate Activities
While multi-tasking isn't as productive as once thought, there are some effective ways to combine or streamline activities without detracting too much from your goals. For example, while you can't talk on the phone and write email at the same time without being less articulate at both tasks, it's easy to save time by talking on the phone while you clean.
The key to successful activity consolidation is to pair a thought-intensive activity with one that's more physical, or one that you can do on "auto-pilot". It's a good idea to bear in mind which activities require full attention and which require less mental concentration when finding two to combine.
Life Plan Tip #5-Take Shortcuts
Is there a way you can cut corners without cutting quality? For example, can you use pre-cooked ingredients while making dinner, put your sprinklers on a timer, or streamline tasks at work? If you really make it a point to look for such shortcuts, you'll likely start seeing them everywhere.
Life Plan Tip #6-Use Stress Management Strategies
When we're too stressed, we don't always think clearly; sometimes we feel trapped and overwhelmed. If your stress response is constantly triggered, you may operate from 'emergency mode', reacting to demands without really thinking instead of proactively seeking out simplified solutions. Also, chronic stress can impact your health and emotional wellness, creating even more problems. While you're working on creating a new life plan, it's important to include stress management techniques in the mix! You can start with these quick stress relief techniques, and add in some of these healthy lifestyle habits, too.

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8 Things Baseball Can Teach Us About Love

Posted on April 5, 2012 by amy

By Tom Miller ~ Love Buzz ~ Apr 4th 2012

Baseball season starts tonight, and there are a few things sackers can teach us about love.
Whew. The Major League Baseball season is opening up today* and not a moment too soon, as the college basketball season came to a close a scant 36 hours ago and life would be awful if we just had the NBA and NHL to glance at over the rim of a pint glass.
Baseball, our national pastime, has always been the American go-to for something to do while we're kind of doing something else. While other sports punctuate maneuvering with moments of violent action, baseball is filled with stillness, then something almost happening. Then something actually happens and we all go bonkers. Is there a better metaphor for relationships?
Which is why we're hoping to illuminate one thing with observations from the other. Here are 9 ways in which baseball traditions can save your dating life:
1: Pay attention to him or he will run on you. Even the slowest ball players will steal second base if the pitcher forgets he's there. A guy seemingly content to stay on first base will bolt if you neglect him.
2: Don't show each other up. Breaking the unwritten rules of baseball (embarrassing someone in public) may earn you a 92-mile-per-hour fastball into your earhole. Punking your boo in front of friends will earn you an earful of verbal poo next time you're at home.
3: Someone is always watching. An old ball coach may forget about the camera when he jams his finger in his ear and then smells it. You might think dry-humping on the dance floor is okay because it feels like you're in a creepy commercial for Las Vegas's Cosmopolitan Hotel but someone will see you and will judge you.
4: Develop a set of signals. That dude standing by third base who looks about 20 years too old to wear a uniform is touching his belt, rubbing his belly and adjusting his cup to send instructions to the hitter and baserunners. You and your sig-oth should create an impenetrable set of non-verbal codes to let each other know when it's time to rescue the other from an awful conversation. Don't make it ASL because the handjob sign is super-obvious.
5: You're on the same team. If a batter gets nailed with a pitch, his team is ready to fight for him. You and yours should have each others' backs. Also, celebrate each others' successes like they're your own. If a dude hits a game-winning homer, his teammates mob him at home plate and he does them a favor by throwing off his helmet so they don't hurt their hands slapping him on the head. Think about it.
6: Can't win 'em all. An outstanding baseball team will win 60 percent of 162 games in a seven-month season. Relationships are like marathons, and holding grudges over long-dead arguments is a great way to make your dude feel as awful as watching grass grow... or soccer.
7: The last three outs are the hardest. The beginning part is fun. The post-honeymoon phase has its moments. But splitting up is awful. Be wary of people who are cavalier about breakups; they have ice water in their veins and salt water in their hearts.
8: Every day is exactly the same. Fun traditions and good habits make us who we are, but tedium wears everyone down. Experiment with different positions, grips and stances — particularly if you're not getting the results you want. Feel free to play light-hearted jokes on each other but don't put Icy-Hot in each other's jocks (unless it's a thing you're into).

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The Importance Of Self-Esteem For Lasting Relationships

Posted on April 3, 2012 by amy

By Christina Young - Expert - April 2nd 2012

For a lasting relationship you need to be completely happy with who you are and good self-esteem!
Different people have different views when it comes to the idea of a romantic relationship. One clinical study stated that romantic love is basically one's unique emotional state of great calm, intense excitement, and improved well-being when the partner is present.
Scientists also believe that a romantic and loving relationship is powerful but an irrational addiction or attraction. They mainly characterize the feeling as a temporary phenomenon that is mostly comprised of sexual fantasies that easily diminish over time. Others believe that romantic love is a result of general physiological arousal normally based on negative impulses like anxiety, guilt, or fear. But then, there is no evidence that proves emotions are similar on the levels of physiology.
How Self-Esteem Plays in a Romantic and Loving Relationship
One of the most vital characteristics an individual should have to obtain a successful and happy romantic relationship is high self-esteem. Studies have shown that people with higher levels of knowledge, acceptance, individuality, and identity are more likely to function effectively in a romantic love. And everything practically starts in one's self.
The theory on how self-esteem greatly helps in keeping a romantic relationship working starts by understanding the in loving someone, one should learn to love oneself first, and the only way to achieve that is to have higher levels of self-worth.
Aspects of Self-Esteem
Self esteem in a loving relationship is clearly defined as comprising of two different interrelated aspects. Self confidence is the first aspects which come from your sense of competence on how you deal with yourself and the world outside. This attitude starts from commitments to rationalities, as well as understanding and awareness of what reality is.
The sense of self-worth and self-respect is another aspect to keep a romantic and loving relationship. These attitudes stem from your adherence to judgments and values. People with a great sense of self-respect often see themselves as worthy and deserving of happiness.
It has long been proven that people with higher levels of self-esteem are more likely to experience romantic love than with those with low self-esteem. They are bound to have better romantic and loving relationships because the fact remains that they are less emotionally dependent on their partners. Also, they are aware that happiness is an internal satisfaction that roots from within, and not on external sources like education, health, and wealth.
Individuals should know that before they expect a successful loving relationship, it is best to start by valuing oneself first. Before you build and develop a plan to meet someone, it is a better idea that you thoroughly examine yourself first, and evaluate who you really are and what it is in life that you really want.
If there is one person that you should get to know more than anyone firsthand is  yourself. There may also be some areas in your life that needs to be sorted out. It is advised that you work on those issues first before you start building a relationship. Also, it is possible that your meet your soul mate while in the course of your personal exploration.
By the time you are done with your self-evaluation, you can easily attract more people and meet interesting ones easily. Remember that to keep a long lasting relationship, knowing yourself first and understanding the importance of self-esteem are essential things towards building a long and lasting relationship.

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Finding True Love

Posted on March 30, 2012 by amy

1. Importance of understanding the 5 stages of dating, so that you don't rush or miss critical stages on the path to finding your soul mate - the first key covered the first stage; attraction, and the importance enjoying this stage!

2. Second stage of dating; uncertainty. This is often a misunderstood phase and isn't a sign that things are going badly!

3. Deciding to be exclusive - the third stage of dating!

4. The fourth stage of dating: intimacy - when, and why to wait!

5. The fifth, and last stage of dating: engagement... why men need to know this is the time to pull out of romance stops!!

While we're confident that you have discovered new and valuable insights into dating in our 5 Keys series, you may now find it tricky to keep the momentum of your learning going alone. That's why we urge you to take this new found awareness to the next level, by enrolling in one of our live, online eWorkshops on dating.

Whether you are recently separated, divorced, or you have been in the singles scene for longer than you want, this insightful Mars and Venus On a Date online video eWorkshop will help you navigate the dating maze and find that special person you've been waiting for.

By discussing the differences between men and women, and based on the book Mars and Venus On a Date, this workshop provides singles and dating couples with:
• A thorough understanding of the five stages of dating;
• How to know, and attract, the right person for you;
• How to act on your first date;
• How to make sure your partner stays interested;
• Answers to burning questions such as why don't men call, or why do some women stay single?
• How to make up, so you don't break up
....And much more advice on creating a loving and mutually fulfilling relationship!

Filled with practical guidelines, inventive techniques, and witty insight, Mars and Venus On a Date will help you explore the world of dating, understand how to make good choices, and discover the secret to finding a soul mate.

So, what are you waiting for, click the link below to learn more about the complete online video eWorkshop Mars and Venus On a Date - and get on that path to finding your soul mate!

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Mars and Venus On a Date is the same life-changing workshop that John Gray and his team of Mars Venus Success coaches have given in-person throughout the world. And now you can benefit from this workshop in the comfort of your own home.

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The Relationships You Want. Start Here.

Sincerely,

Mars Venus Coaching

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Power Connects People

Posted on March 27, 2012 by amy

Side effects of holding power

When you think about people who are strongly driven to acquire power, what kinds of things do you imagine they are after? Is power about having: influence over others, money, status, glory, independence, self-confidence?
Popular stories in our culture like to distinguish power seekers from relationship seekers—people whose primary motivation is to foster connections and intimacy with others. The power and relationship motives are usually depicted as incompatible, where power is achieved at the expense of having relationships. As prime examples, think about the main characters in films like Citizen Kane, Scarface, and The Social Network. These stories tell us that power seeking is driven by self-centered ambitions, and as long as this motive is strong, the relationship seeking motive will be weak.
We forget that the rewards of power and the rewards of relationships overlap. We forget that power connects people to one another, and the more powerful person usually reaps the rewards of these relationships. Having power means having favorable connections to others.
Imagine a typical power imbalance in the workplace. A company hires two people to run a newly-created department at the company: Mr. Alpha is brought in to head the new department and Mr. Beta is hired as second in command. Mr. Alpha is given the power to fire and/or promote Mr. Beta, making Mr. Beta dependent on Mr. Alpha's approval. Their jobs have established this connection between them, and we can be fairly certain that their interactions will be more pleasant for Mr. Alpha than Mr. Beta. Mr. Beta will be more accommodating, deferential, and experience more anxiety about saying or doing the wrong things.
As it happens, Mr. Alpha has relocated from across the country to take this job, and feels isolated in his new city. Mr. Alpha's not a bad guy, but he insists that he and Mr. Beta take all their coffee breaks and go out on all sales calls together, just so Mr. Alpha can have the interpersonal contact. Mr. Beta goes along without complaining. After a few weeks Mr. Alpha begins to feel less isolated in his surroundings, having established some camaraderie.
In power imbalances, the more powerful person can usually set the terms of the relationship and build rapport without much resistance. This may not create close authentic bonds, but don't underestimate the appeal of casual interactions with people who are courteous and attentive to you. These interactions should be especially appealing to men, who tend to be more satisfied with shallow relationships than women.
The point is that these relationships can be rewarding, and ultimately strengthen the allure of power. For some people, the promise of social connections may even be the hidden force behind their desire for power, especially for people who have trouble establishing connections under normal circumstances.
So even though the search for power and relationships are often portrayed as competing goals, it's rarely that simple. Selfish goals may navigate the pursuit of power, but the motivation to connect with others is stronger than it seems, stronger than even the seeker realizes.

Published on February 7, 2012 by Ilan Shrira

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2nd Tip for the workplace

Posted on March 23, 2012 by amy

We expect our first posting caused you to look at the importance of promoting yourself if you are a women or the importance that taking the time necessary with your female colleagues to build rapport if you are a man. These tips alone can increase both ours and our organizations effectiveness. Did you apply one of these tips since the last email? Remember, thinking about them does not make them effective. Taking action, implementing them does. We must always remember that the whole premise of the Mars and Venus in the workplace is that we are different and equal - not that one is better than the other - different and equal.

Let's now review a second valuable tip in this "How to Get What You Want at Work - 4 Tips for Dealing with the Opposite Sex at Work" series. Like in our last posting, one will be intended for a women and another for a man.

Tip for Women
One of the ways women undermine their own abilities in the work place is by using tag endings. These are the couple of little words that are often added on to the end of a sentence like "isn't it", "is that ok", "maybe", "I think". These tiny words serve to make you look unsure and change a sentence or what could be a powerful statement in to a question. For example, "We should close down our manufacturing division because it is consistently losing money" is a powerful statement. "We should close down our manufacturing division because it is consistently losing money, shouldn't we?" shows that you don't really know if it is a good idea or not. With this new awareness, avoid these words that will otherwise reflect some degree of uncertainty.

Tip for Men
Men, when there are women involved in an open discussion, try to remember that it is not her natural tendency to speak up over the top of others. If she is not freely contributing, ask for her opinion to draw her in to the conversation. She most likely has something very valuable to say and will appreciate you for giving her the opportunity to speak. Please don't speak for her, even if you perceive that would be easier. Once she is speaking try no t to interrupt her. Practice your active listening skills. As a little aside, the number one complaint from women all over the world regarding relationships, both personal and business, is that they don't feel heard.

If you found this information helpful, click the link below to learn more about the complete online video eWorkshop, "Mars and Venus in the Workplace". LEARN MORE ABOUT THE COMPLETE ONLINE VIDEO eWORKSHOP NOW

In this online video eWorkshop "Mars and Venus in the Workplace", we will teach you how to raise your gender intelligence, become more effective at working with the opposite sex, and develop a personal competitive advantage at work.

"Mars and Venus in the Workplace" is the same life-changing workshop that John Gray and his team of Mars Venus Success coaches have given in-person throughout the world. And now you can benefit from this workshop in the comfort of your own home.

PURCHASE TODAY! IN THE "MARS and VENUS in the WORKPLACE" ONLINE VIDEO eWORKSHOP

The Relationships You Want. Start Here.

Sincerely,

Mars Venus Coaching Team

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